Taking Control

Other than Cancer, CONTROL seems to be the most prominent ‘C’ word used by our society today. It’s a word we use when we feel that some aspect of our lives is spiraling beyond our grasp. An iron fist approach to a situation is no guarantee of achieving healthy or happy results, yet there are ways to take control by simply letting go. Stepping back from a situation can offer a clearer perspective and help a negative into a positive. 

 

Even when life seems to be running on a fairly even keel, some event can occur that inflames a situation and begins to grow beyond what we feel we can or want to deal with. An example is the insanity of arguing with a child; an event where no one wins. Whether the situation includes interaction with others or just us, the chaos always includes some drama. It is this element that expands a situation out of our control; the emotional investment.

Answers begin to appear with the removal of the emotional component. One of the ways to do this is to imagine the problem belonging to someone else. You want this to be someone you care about. Even a brother, sister or best friend exist outside your natural emotional energy field. What would your advice to them be? Invariably our advice to another comes from a clearer mind than we use to make choices for ourselves. Emotions distort the truth of a reality.

What if you have been caught in this drama for quite a while or it is one with deep attachments, making detachment seem impossible? There are instances where we have invested so much emotion into a situation that it has woven a thick web of energy that makes objectivity doubly difficult. When this occurs with clients I have them do Casting, or we do a simple circle ritual. This ritual can be accomplished in the outdoors with a drawing in the dirt or in my office space with a piece of paper. 

 

Start with drawing a large circle. Inside the circle place or draw an object that represents the problem. Then place something to represent you in this situation. If you are doing this outside in the dirt you can use stones; if you are drawing it on paper just make an X or heart for yourself. Affirm out loud who and what is what. Then draw or cut a line that separates you from the problem. Within moments you will feel tension leave your body. Without taking control, you’ve taken charge of yourself again.   

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Discipline (and other nasty words)

Each new blog entry has me promising myself to become more disciplined in my writing and posting. As you can see from the dates, I fail. So I changed from grandiose dreams of daily submissions to a more practical goal of once a week. Procrastination trickles into my exercise schedule, my Face Book management and other media posts. It even affects my correspondence efforts. Does anyone else have this problem?

My days feel like there is just too much going on. As I reexamine my activities and what could cause the hours to  vaporize, there are so many different interruptions and distractions that I don’t know which one to blame. Yet, the searching raises a reoccurring question. "Why is it easier to give-in to self-destructive behavior than it is to follow a sound, healthy, habits?

My understanding is that we invest the most time into the things from which we feel the greatest (immediate) benefit. An example of this would be in the case of a child that learns that misbehaving brings more attention than being good. This often re-enforcement causes the child to chose naughty behavior-even if the attention is painful. There is an endorphin release from every emotion whether it is pain or pleasure. After a while, our addiction to the chemical creates a 'scar;' something similar to a scratch on an old LP record or a rut in a road frequently traveled. It becomes something easy to fall into.  I believe that when we feel there are not enough endorphins from happy or healthy habits we chose the other direction. It is illogical but satisfying.

Discipline is its own reward but I am trying to establish a baby step program that begins to erase the old behavior by giving me a new stimulus. A few years ago I learned a handy sales tool. It was to write a ‘5 Most Important Things’ list. It’s part of breaking a big goal  down into baby steps. To do it, write a list of 5 things that you want to complete  every night before going to bed. These should be things that will help move you toward your ultimate goal.

It helps to write the items in order of their priority. The next day give your attention to ONLY the first thing on the list. Draw a line through it as it is completed. The line drawing is a nice little neuro-chemical release in itself. When it is completed celebrate with a stretch, a glass of juice or some other short feel good reward. Working from a list helps keep you focused regardless of interruptions. If the list is not completed by the end of the day, just move any remaining item(s) to the top of the next day’s list. 

As human beings, we often feel that we dance through our days in a  "deep sleep." We believe that our destiny is controlled by a higher power, when in truth, we are the choreographers given full authority by the Creator.