When Relationships Seem MEAN

 

Difficulties in relationships stem from lack of effective communication. What you think you said or did may not have been received in the way you intended. It may have also been because a word you used was NOT the most correct for the situation.

As an adult learning a new language I’ve become aware that words I use regularly, words others accept readily, are no longer being used true to their original meaning. An example might be the word ‘MEAN.’ It is one of those ordinary, everyday words with lots of different connotations. I grew up understanding that it referred to someone who was unkind. After researching its definitions I found greedy, selfish or stingy included in the definitions.

 For years I believed that it referred to someone who was not being nice or wouldn’t share -especially when it involved my feelings being hurt. This old understanding was already hardwired into my brain long before I finished primary school so it was an awakening when, as an adult, I became aware of its truer implication

 
The English language is a composite of many languages, most of them having their roots in Latin. As my adult mind struggles in relating to nuances of the Spanish language I find the  old classical English literature of high school offering the grounded logic I seek. That led me to exploring old English dictionaries and studying antonyms for the word MEAN. I learned that terms that have faded in use such as,  ‘mean distance’ or 'mean value' relate to least or something of the lowest degree.

Applying this new understanding to some old personal experiences allowed me to see the experience in a completely different light. I saw where the other person involved had not had ENOUGH. It makes sense that people can only give what they have. If they don’t have enough money they cannot lend to others, when their self image doesn't allow for enough self-appreciation they cannot praise another or when they lack love for themselves they have none to give.

Relationships are about sharing or giving. When we don’t have what someone is asking for we will substitute something else.  It might be criticism, condemnation or anger. Feeling trapped by inadequacy can feel painful and we act from pain: MEAN.  The next time you find yourself thinking that someone is MEAN try looking at the event through this new light. You’ll likely see that it is not about you. That insight brings a sense of freedom that will let you choose your next move peacefully.

Have you experienced anything like this before? Let me know.

Visit my new website at : www.MalanaAshlie.com
Check out other life solutions  SHIFT: A 5th Dimensional Approach

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Are What We Eat

When given a choice on meals I tend to lean toward that of a lacto-vegetarian. That means I include dairy (preferably raw), eggs and fish in my meals. My husband, on the other hand, is a carnivore.   It has been a 22 year personal conflict for me.  In the last year I have been aware of a lot of information floating the internet about animal treatment.  In this year of CHANGE,  watching my husband suffer through the results of his life choices, I am beginning to recognize this as an opportunity to re-assess my own  values.

 I admire anyone who can abstain from eating the flesh of another. Not everyone can. Some people's glandular chemistry prohibits this. They may try to honor the philosophy but find their health losing ground after a time. We live on a planet where every life force relies on another for its survival. Lions, water buffalo and alligators co-exist sharing the same watering holes...until supper time. Then the weakest or youngest is culled from the group; it maintains a natural balance. Animal waste becomes food for plants.

People who choose vegan as a more humane choice should read a book titled The Secret Life of Plants by Thompkins and Bird. It is filled with fascinating research showing the ability of plants to communicate with us, their reactions to violence  and even how they have mutated to meet 'request' from humans. It leaves the understanding that just because we don't stroke or hear plants doesn't mean they don't have a voice. Just because we don’t see red doesn’t mean they are not bleeding.

So, which species deserves to die and which to live? Which is more important than the other? In nature no species, plant or animal, is better.  Humans are the only species that the planet can survive without; it’s as though we are guest here. We are also the only animal that kills for pleasure or money. Our greed is the disruption to nature. This is one of the subjects looked at in my book- SHIFT: A 5th Dimensional Approach. All of these thoughts added to my husband’s preference are why I have tried to practice compassionate eating (and living).

Eating compassionately is eating when hungry- being thankful not only for the food but for the plants and animals that have given their lives so that we may live- asking a blessing on their spirits- not eating more than  needed nor wasting.

To me the inhumanity comes not from killing to live but from the treatment of animals- whether they are cows, calves, dogs or cats. The animal INDUSTRY of our developed nations is horrible. Visit the 'farms' and see how  animals are treated before they are packed into trucks, herded into lines where they stand watching the animal in front of them tortured, shot or electrocuted. You will refrain from eating meat. We call it meat instead of animal to de-sensitive ourselves.  We call it beef instead of cow, pork instead or pig and milk fed veal instead of 7 day old baby calf. The names and packaging frees us from feeling accountable.  We buy more.

As I witness the violence in our culture, the words “we are what we eat” take on new meaning. Words such as terrorized, abused, and beaten should never be in the same sentence with food we are consuming. Please know where your food comes from and how the animals are treated. Maybe the levels of violence existing in the world will reduce. All life should be honored. Taking one life to save another is a hard call but to me it should be the only reason to kill. Hopefully, all will learn to live gently and not support those who do not. 

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It’s All In Your Mind

How many times has someone tried to put you off by saying “It’s all in your mind.”  All they are saying there is no scientific support for your expressed beliefs. However, the scientific world is often frail or corrupted whereas the things that occur having no apparent hardcore reasoning offer beauty to life. These occurrences are generally called miracles. A few examples are healing, prayer, manifesting and those times coincidences bring a sense of awe. Even though the title phrase is most often used to degrade, it is actually correct. All reality is created in the mind.

 Eyes only pick up light and image; they make no assessment, only gather data. Your ears, nose taste and other senses also contribute data to the brain. The mind then takes the input collected from the senses and begins to apply information and emotion. These evaluations or perceptions can be in the form of negative judgments, positive reinforcements, or hidden from recall altogether. 

This is why a police officer asks for 3-5 witnesses at a traffic accident.  The eyes of each witness see the same event but their owners individual perceptions are formed from the applied information from their unique experiences. One may swear they saw a beer can fall from the car, because their aunt died in an accident involving a drunk driver. Another witness may not have noticed the driver’s car over the white pedestrian walk line since it is one of his own habits. The mind might choose denial over the pain of realization. Understanding how powerful the mind is in creating our realities offers a tool that can be used to our benefit.             

One day while peeling vegetables the paring knife I was using slipped and the blade cut my finger. It wasn’t a deep cut but it was bleeding a lot. I covered the cut with the first kitchen towel I could reach.  With the bleeding out of site, the more attention I gave the event the more painful was the throbbing. In the past, this is where the self-berating would begin, but I remembered a technique learned and practiced while exploring a lava tube cave in Hawaii. I had been crawling along a ledge in the dark, then stood up in a low ceiling area. The impact actually made me see stars.

My kupuna (teacher) was with me. She shared a mind technique used by ancient Hawaiians to reverse an unpleasant event. It is to repeat the incident physically or by memory 3-5 times, but always ending the mental image of a positive outcome. I applied this teaching to the kitchen accident. First, I quieted my mind. Then I began a mental review of peeling the vegetables. As I reached the point of the accident, I took control of the image and saw it ending with the knife finishing its cut on the carrot instead of my finger.  The pain and bleeding were gone by the end of five repetitions. Severe physical injuries may need the attention of a medical professional, but for this small cut the technique worked wonders. I covered the cut with piece of onionskin and within a day, it was healed.  

 

Physical wounds are not our only unpleasant experiences. The most important part is to change  what your mind sees from negative to positive. Many wise people use the saying  “All change   begins from within.” I am saying the mind is the fertile soil to plant those seeds of change.